islamic lifestyle

islamic lifestyle

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ISLAMIC LIFESTYLE

The need of good friend

Friends are one of the most important part of someone’s life. This is the reason why Islam has talked about it in details in Holy Quran. Prophet Mohammad (Saw) and Imams (as) have talked about good friends in details and we can read from their traditions and interpretation of Quran about the meaning of “being a good friend” or “the need of good friend”.

God says in Quran:

وَيَوْمَ يَعَضُّ الظَّالِمُ عَلَىٰ يَدَيْهِ يَقُولُ يَا لَيْتَنِي اتَّخَذْتُ مَعَ الرَّسُولِ سَبِيلًا يَا وَيْلَتَىٰ لَيْتَنِي لَمْ أَتَّخِذْ فُلَانًا خَلِيلًا

لَقَدْ أَضَلَّنِي عَنِ الذِّكْرِ بَعْدَ إِذْ جَاءَنِي ۗ وَكَانَ الشَّيْطَانُ لِلْإِنْسَانِ خَذُولًا

“On that Day the wrongdoer will bite his hands saying: “Oh! Would that I had only taken the pathway alongside the Prophet. Oh! Would that I had never chosen so-and-so for my companion. He was the one who led me astray from the admonition even after it had reached me.” Shaitan is ever treacherous to man”. (Surah Al Furqan Ayah 27-29)

In the above mentioned ayah, God recognizes the need of good friend and how it is important for people’s life. Therefore making friends are not out of Islam, in fact Islam has talked and emphasizes on it. The other most important part of ayah is choosing a good friend. The surrounding of one has a great influence on everyone life. The good friendship can force you to follow a right path and vice versa. It is clear that on the Day of Judgment when people will be thrown into hell and they shall complain of bad friends. God has talked about hypocrites. Hypocrites are the people who are friend of people apparently while in fact he lies, breaks his promise, betray him and make him fall in false hope. God says in Quran:

الْمُنَافِقُونَ وَالْمُنَافِقَاتُ بَعْضُهُمْ مِنْ بَعْضٍ ۚ يَأْمُرُونَ بِالْمُنْكَرِ وَيَنْهَوْنَ عَنِ الْمَعْرُوفِ وَيَقْبِضُونَ أَيْدِيَهُمْ ۚ نَسُوا اللَّهَ فَنَسِيَهُمْ ۗ إِنَّ الْمُنَافِقِينَ هُمُ الْفَاسِقُونَ
“The hypocrites, both men and women, precede one from another. They enjoin the wrong, and they forbid the right, and they withhold their hands (from spending for the cause of Allah). They forget Allah, so He hath forgotten them. Lo! The hypocrites, they are the transgressors.” (Surah AT Tauba, Ayah 67)

We can clearly understand that we cannot make friendship with the one who is hypocrites because they not only astray themselves but drag you along themselves as well. According to one of the hadith of Prophet Mohammad (saw): People should make friendship with those who remind them of God, his speech increases his knowledge and his actions motivate you in right direction for this world and next world. Therefore it is clear that for any Muslim who wants to protect and safeguard his faith is to be selective in making friendships and company. With great struggle, one can easily be influenced by his friends. Prophet Mohammad (saw) has said “Man in influenced by the faith of his friends. Therefore be careful of whom you associate with”. It is clear from the hadith of holy Prophet as well that we shall be careful in choosing our friends and to be careful with whom we associate with.

When one chooses a good and pious friend, they will encourage a person to do righteous deeds and will make me far from evil deeds. By not only directing you in right way, will also advice you well. But if someone chooses a bad friend, they will encourage him to do all bad things which are prohibited in Islam. The bad company will never encourage doing a good and righteous deeds. This is very important for all Muslims to understand the philosophy of selecting a good friend, especially for new Muslims as they may have habits such as smoking or drinking. They may have accustomed to those habits which are regarded sin in Islam. It is necessary for those Muslims to cut their relation with those friends who smoke or drink, rather they should make friendship with believer who reminds them of God and God’s work. God says in Quran;

إِنَّمَا يَعْمُرُ مَسَاجِدَ اللَّهِ مَنْ آمَنَ بِاللَّهِ وَالْيَوْمِ الْآخِرِ وَأَقَامَ الصَّلَاةَ وَآتَى

الزَّكَاةَ وَلَمْ يَخْشَ إِلَّا اللَّهَ ۖ فَعَسَىٰ أُولَٰئِكَ أَنْ يَكُونُوا مِنَ الْمُهْتَدِينَ

“The mosques of Allah should be maintained by those who believe in Allah and the Last Day, establish Salah (prayers), and pay Zakah (poor due) and fear none except Allah. It is they who are expected to follow the true guidance.” (Surah AT Tauba, Ayah 18)

We can clearly understand from above ayah that a good believer will be the one who establishes prayer, pay Zakah, and fear none except God. These are the people with whom we make friendship with and as god says follow them for true guidance. One of the best ways to make friendship is to visit Mosques where believers gather for prayers and discussion. If you are living in a country where there are no Muslims or mosques are not available or you are in danger to keep your religion; it is recommended in Islam to migrate to such a place where you can easily practice your religion, visit mosque and interact with other Muslim beings. God says in Quran;

وَدُّوا لَوْ تَكْفُرُونَ كَمَا كَفَرُوا فَتَكُونُونَ سَوَاءً ۖ فَلَا تَتَّخِذُوا مِنْهُمْ أَوْلِيَاءَ

حَتَّىٰ يُهَاجِرُوا فِي سَبِيلِ اللَّهِ ۚ فَإِنْ تَوَلَّوْا فَخُذُوهُمْ وَاقْتُلُوهُمْ حَيْثُ وَجَدْتُمُوهُمْ ۖ

وَلَا تَتَّخِذُوا مِنْهُمْ وَلِيًّا وَلَا نَصِيرًا

“Their real wish is to see that you become a disbeliever, as they themselves have disbelieved, so that you may become exactly like them. So you should not take friends from their ranks unless they immigrate in the way of Allah; and if they do not, seize them and kill them wherever you find them, and do not take any of them as protectors or helpers.” (Surah An-Nisa, Ayah 89)

There is a linked between migration and a better place to worship which leads you to have a good friend. One should migrate if his religion is in danger as religion is the base of a good friendship. If a person has kept his religion and migrated on the way of God, he shall be rewarded heavily by God himself. There is a huge problem nowadays in our young generation about friendship. They do not care with whom they interact and how they are being influenced by their friendship surrounding and circle. When we ask them about their friends and influence: they easily say that this is what we have got here, there comes the instruction of God to migrate. Migration is not only from one country to another, it is from one city to another, one place to another or even one society in city to another society within the city to seek a true friend and have a better companion. Ameer ul momineen Ali ibn Abi Talib said in Nahjul Balagah that “Two friends are in fact single soul but in different bodies” (Nahjul Balagah). It is clear to select a friend who remind you of God and guide you to right path. On the other hand if you do not seek a good friend, you will never get it as Shaitan is trying his best to misguide Muslims. God says in Quran;

قَالَ فَبِعِزَّتِكَ لَأُغْوِيَنَّهُمْ أَجْمَعِينَ

 

“Shaitan said: “I swear by Your Honor, I will mislead them all” (Surah Sad, ayah 82)

It is clear from the above verse that Shaitan is always available for distracting people’s mind. One of the things which he distract people is from having a good friends and keeping them away from good companions such as scholars and philosophers. Prophet Mohammad (saw) often spoke about the value of true friendship to his companions. He stressed the need to have good companion and surround ourselves. He urged companions to be friends with those who hold same belief and values. For the believer the only solid foundation to make friendship is Islam. Companionship has great importance in Islam, often prophet talked about it to have good friends and companions. A good friend is the one who guides you, support you, accommodate your faults but correct them and love and forgive you for the sake of Allah. Therefore it is important to choose your friends carefully. Once we have established the friendship, it needs to be maintained as well. There are certain rights and responsibilities among believers and which shall be maintained at all cost. Seeking good friendship and marinating a companionship is a responsibility for each believer has to himself or herself, to god and his community. Therefore seek a good friend who seeks paradise in the hereafter. God says in Quran;

 

وَاصْبِرْ نَفْسَكَ مَعَ الَّذِينَ يَدْعُونَ رَبَّهُمْ بِالْغَدَاةِ وَالْعَشِيِّ يُرِيدُونَ وَجْهَهُ ۖ وَلَا تَعْدُ عَيْنَاكَ عَنْهُمْ تُرِيدُ زِينَةَ الْحَيَاةِ الدُّنْيَا ۖ وَلَا تُطِعْ مَنْ أَغْفَلْنَا قَلْبَهُ عَنْ ذِكْرِنَا وَاتَّبَعَ هَوَاهُ وَكَانَ أَمْرُهُ فُرُطًا

 

“Keep yourself content with those who call on their God morning and evening seeking His good pleasure; and let not your eyes turn away from them desiring the attraction of Worldly Life; nor obey the one whose heart we have permitted to neglect our remembrance, which follows his own desires and goes to extremes in the conduct of his affairs.” (Surah Al-Kahf, Ayah 28)

It is clearly stated in the above ayah that we should seek friendship with such people who call their lord day and night. It is recommended for a believer to be caution in choosing his friends specially if a person doesn’t not accept God, doesn’t pray, is a liar, breaks promises easily, betrays trust and misleads you. The core question which arises from the discussion is how we should choose our friends? The answer is the one who is Momin. The word Momin has very broad meaning and for which we will discuss in our upcoming article. For the time being we can stick with more narrow definition of Momin “the one who is loyal to God, Prophet and his progeny”.

It is important to choose a friend who has a great respect and importance for God, Prophet Mohammad (saw) and his progeny and great respect to what they have ordered us to do. These are 2 different things but interrelated to each other to have faith in them and then do what they say. It is better to stay away from people who are ill mannered and the one who doesn’t pay attention to Islamic values. Good friends are those who share happiness and sadness. Instead of making friendship with misguided people we should choose pious person, who treats his religion well and follows the tradition of Holy prophet. It is recommended to stay at sufficient distance from ill mannered, ignorant, and non-believers person but treating everyone in kind and noble manner is necessary.

God says in Quran;

الْأَخِلَّاءُ يَوْمَئِذٍ بَعْضُهُمْ لِبَعْضٍ عَدُوٌّ إِلَّا الْمُتَّقِينَ

“On that Day, even friends will become enemies to one another with the exception of the righteous people”. (Surah Az-Zukhruf, Ayah 67)

It is clear that on the day of judgement all will be enemy except the one who were believers. Therefore we need to make friends which are believers and which remind us of God. It is wise to choose a good friend in this world to avoid regret in next world. The question which must come to our mind is that are we going to learn something? Are we going to achieve the purpose of our creation? Or will our friend takes us away from God and leads us to sin? There is a tradition from Imam Mohammad Baqir (as) who heard from his father Imam Zain al abdeen (as) that we should befriend with the people, who are Kasab (liar), the one who takes the right of people, a miser, a fool and the one cuts relationship (Silay Reham). Prophet Mohammad (saw) said that a believer is a mirror to other believers. Imam Ali (as) took it more forward and said that friend in need is friend indeed. It shows the depth of the meaning of friendship. Friend cannot be your friend unless he is tested on three occasions: behind your back, in time of need and after your death. Then there are certain standards of friendship. According to Imam Askari (as) that we should advice our friends secretly not openly and if we advise them openly we humiliate them. Indeed we a believer establishes the standards of friendship, he/she will soon find themselves encircled with friends who will take them to heaven and take them away from the fire of Hell. There are however certain an important thing which needs to be done to keep stable and fruitful friendship: we should not dispute with our friend, we should not make indecent jokes with them, do not quarrel with them, do not be aggressive with them, and do not consider them lower than yourself, and do not be angry with them. Imam Hassan (as) said very nicely that behave in the same way with your friends the way you want them to behave with you.  God says in Quran;

یا أَيُّهَا الَّذِينَ آمَنُوا عَلَيْكُمْ أَنْفُسَكُمْ ۖ لَا يَضُرُّكُمْ مَنْ ضَلَّ إِذَا اهْتَدَيْتُمْ ۚ إِلَى اللَّهِ مَرْجِعُكُمْ جَمِيعًا فَيُنَبِّئُكُمْ بِمَا كُنْتُمْ تَعْمَلُونَ

 

“O believers! You are accountable for none but for yourselves; anyone who has gone astray cannot harm you if you are on the Right Way. To Allah you shall all return and He will let you know the truth of all that you did.”

Conclusion

There are friends who will always remain loyal and trustful under all circumstances and this is what Islam has taught us. It urges us to have good friend who reminds us of God and keep us safe from sins. As in whole, a believer must be selective when it comes to making friends. Being friend with good will lead to righteous path while bad leads to sin. It will not only the path of righteousness in this world but leads us to next world as well. Whereas, being friend with hypocrites and evil minded people will make life hell in this world and leads us to hell hereafter. Finally, we shall seek from God that he counts us among believers, gives us good friends that takes us from wrong path and leads us to right path. Indeed friendship is the best kind of plant which often requires water. Hold fast the rope of Allah, and you shall never separate.

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